Through the Catalyst
by michikyou
Summary: The Destruction of the Reapers after a long war was hard on all galactic races. The crew of the Normandy and those closest to Shepard work together as these events unfold from the activation of the Crucible. (RED ENDING, ME3 Spoilers)
1. Chapter 1

_**-EVERYONE'S CATALYST-**_

 _ **Author note:**_

 _set after the events of ME3, from the activation of the Crucible onward. This will have a few Original characters and many appearances of the faces from the original trilogy appearing as the crew work together to save and rebuild the galaxy._

 _Please note that I will treat every character as important as the last and everyone's stories will be touched on. Each segment will be from someone's point of view and may be happening simultaneously as another persons._

 _Enjoy._

 _ **Garrus**_

" _I was the officer in charge of the investigation into Saren"_ Those were few of the first words he had shared with Commander Shepard.

It had been years since Garrus had spoken them. Recalling on events now he could remember that his boss had pulled him from the case and before he could turn to speak further there she was, his opportunity to continue his investigation. The famed Commander Shepard, the first human spectre. It seemed impossible that his investigation lead to what was happening now. A war with a super advanced robot race. His investigation lead to him meeting some of the toughest and most dedicated soldiers, scientists and mechanics he had ever known on the Normandy. The ship itself was an ingenious design all brought together to encompass more than its cost in credits. But it wouldn't have been anything without her.

Saren. The Reapers. The Illusive man. They had overcome these things together. A rag-tag group of aliens, on a Human-Turian ship, led by arguably one of the most well-known spectres in the galaxy by the events of this war. But that wasn't the amazing part for Garrus, the part that caused his mandibles to near split even after being told to rest was her. Admiration and friendship nurtured by mutual trust and an adventure that no Asari scholar would believe.

But why was he thinking of this now? Her home planet was in ruins around them, near the entirety of the forces on the ground had been decimated and even he had been wounded. Still he stared blankly at Shepard, his optic lense flickering as it began to fail. The commander had called for backup, an evacuation of him and Ashley. He didn't want to go, he still wanted that kill shot they joked about earlier.

Ashley's grip on his arm pulled him back up the ramp despite his gaze locked on Shepard.

"Shepard" he called out. That woman was going to steal the final shot from under him, but that wasn't what was upsetting him. What was upsetting him was knowing what conversation was about to happen. 'There is no Shepard, without Vakarian'. To him that saying was far truer the other way around.

"You gotta get out of here."

Ashley pulled him further back up the ramp, knowing the urgency of the moment.

"And you've gotta be kidding me."

"Don't argue, Garrus." She didn't even glare now. Even in all this chaos she could make the hard decisions.

Garrus cursed internally. He couldn't argue with his commander, not even now when it felt like another separate world was ending, it dawned on him that she had promised him to come back. He responded quickly before it'd be too late. "We're in this till the end."

He tried to take another step forward but again the human girl pulled him back. Ashley was far stronger than she looked in many regards. All three of them had been through a novel worth of adventures together. Garrus didn't want this one to end now, there had been too much time apart. The only time they had spent together was during chaos and imminent destruction. He couldn't take his gaze of Shepard. Trying to burn the image of her into his visor, into his memory. Hair like... well, he wasn't one for poetry. But it outclassed the sunset on Palaven.

Just like that every memory was playing through his mind again, trying to find any reason to why she would be leaving him behind. Was the comment about her hips being supportive actually offensive? Had he hurt her in some regard? He knew that none of these statements were true but he was grasping at nonsense right now.

His heart sank as she stepped towards him. "No matter what happens here…" He wanted to tell her to be quiet, that she owed him more than this. Not even his carapace could hold up how heavy his heart felt at those first few words. "You know I love you. I always will." She had paced up the ramp, fingers brushing against those scars he had once thought to remove. This was worse than getting shot, this was dying.

This was goodbye.

"Shepard, I…" he leaned his mandible into the soft of her glove, drawing up his hand to grasp at her wrist. This might be the last chance he had to hold her. But he didn't want to let go. But she had a mission, it would only slow her down to take him with her as injured as he was now. His grip slowly wavered and with it she began to step back. Those green irises of hers still on his as he spoke his reply quieter than a breath.

"I…. Love you, too." His heart had collided with a mass relay full of emotions on that phrase. Her hand left his and while he still reached for her, Ashley pulled whatever remained of him back up the ramp as Shepard gave her final order.

"Go!"

The door closed quickly, and before he knew it they had pressurised the ship so they could meet the fleet further away from the combat. He looked to Ashley who gave him a small unfaithful smile.

"Hey, she'll be fine. It's the commander." She pet his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. The universe has already tried to kill her once, and it just made her angry."

He had this conversation with the commander before. Hoping someone is okay and assuming they were didn't bring comfort. It only made him worry more in this instance, but it was nice to be comforted in a small way, especially from Ashley who seemed so obtuse when they had first met. She didn't want Aliens on a 'human' owned ship, but she had changed over the years. Everyone had in some way or another. He focused his attentions momentarily on repairing the damaged visor that sat across his eye, the interface flickering every few minutes due to structural damage.

His shoulders sagged as they ached. His armour had been ripped through by the explosion of the tank before. No one who had been on the ground seemed to of gotten out alive. Ashley's words however caught him off guard, spoken in a fashion he assumed was poetry. Turian poetry was mostly about combat, taking the shot. Who had the better war story or whoever served better but this was nothing like that.

"Death closes all: but something ere the end,

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods." She relined back against the cool steel wall. "Tennyson."

"Who?"

"Tennyson, he was a poet. My father loved his poems. Old world sort of stuff. Well, old for us humans." She was trying to distract him, and for the moment he let himself be distracted.

"Turians don't live that much longer than humans do."

"They don't? Figured you guys were like lizards, or turtles."

"I don't know what any of those things are." He rose his head to take a better look at her, trying to read her expression for any indication of what she was speaking about. "The first humans our people encountered said we looked like birds."

"Earth animals." She loosely shrugged it off. "What do animals look like on Palaven anyway? I haven't seen many."

"Like normal. Metal shellings, radiation protective lenses over their eyes. Delicious with a good hanar spice." That seemed to of caught her in as much surprise as he had been.

"That isn't normal."

"It is, if you're Turian."

"Not normal. You've at least seen vids of... dogs, right?" she leaned forward, it was clear to Garrus that she was making an effort, far more of an effort than most would of in this situation. "I figure you for a dog person. Bet you would be the sort of scales to adopt a pup, raise it with your partner then decide that is sufficient training for raising children."

Garrus fell silent again. Raising a dog? Whatever that was it sounded like it would only not be a hassle with Shepard. "Are they…difficult to take care of?"

"Depends on the breed." She added. "If you're lazy you could just get a cat though."

"Another earth animal?" he leaned forward as well, raising a hand to gesture dramatically. "Does it breathe fire? Have hair all over its body?"

"Well, it has the second thing." she smiled weakly.

He paused again "…weird. I think i'd stick to a Varren"

Ashley pushed herself from the frame of the wall before entering the artillery command control hallway. "Come on, we best check on the rest of the crew here, let them know what has happened."

"You uhh, go on ahead. I'll go make sure Edi and Joker are alright, calibrate something." he was in pain, a lot of it both physically and worse still, emotionally. "We'll need all that help if we don't want to end up dust in space."

Numbers and adjustments were two things he could focus on. The two things left in this galaxy that he could drown himself in while whatever chaos was going on the surface played out. He walked without realising he had forgotten to even greet edi and joker, walked until he stood before the elevator. His steps slow and damaged as he turned to look at the memorial wall. So many had already died with Shepard. Kaiden had died years ago on Virmire and at times he still thought Ashley along with Shepard still blamed themselves for his death. Garrus would feel more guilty but it wasn't always possible to save everyone.

The mass hall was empty for the first time in weeks, most hands on the upper levels organising the command deck. As he headed down the long corridor towards his usual spot he slumped against the wall one hand pressed against the new damage to his carapace. Another dent, and possibly another scar to show off.

' _Let's see…_ ' He leaned against the railing, his omnitool bringing up the interface to the arsenal and engines. Someone had been adjusting it when he had been away for a few hours, it always bothered him how often this happened and part of him took the time to glance around as if to catch the calibration scrambler. The doors closed with their familiar song, a woosh like slide as they concealed him to his lack of work. A place that he could be alone in the galaxy was not this room.

This room was full of memories.

* * *

 **Joker**

Sirens screeched through the Normandy as the surface of earth and the space above had become too dangerous to manoeuvre in. Those onboard could hear the shrieks of the reapers. The clutches of death that decimated all life in their path for some innate goal.

The low rumble of the engine kept his mind off of the glowing Amber spots on earth as he made his way back to the cockpit. His sounds hadn't been sealed yet, there were more important things on everyone's minds for now. The crew had survived worse on this ship, even he had survived hell on this ship alone.

The Comms had lit up, earth was declaring its loss, their casualties were in the billions now and the fleets they had sent had not gotten through all the defences. Joker's voice broke over the comm as Garrus finished calibrating the guns. Joker was thankful someone who knew the systems was manning them. 

"We've lost communications with Shepard, trying to re establish them now." Hackett's voice alerted the Normandy over the com.

This seemed to only be sent to a few sectors of the ship, yet it was obvious that the time of reckoning had come.

Ashley stormed passed the mass hall, up the elevator and down the bridge to pull on jokers shoulder. Time was running out and if there was anything they could do it was not here, not in the midst of all this danger.

"No communications, still?" garrus prompted over the comm, understandably impatient.

Garrus didn't get his reply, the crew too busy avoiding what they could in the shitstorm they had been talking about for years.

"We must prepare evasive maneuvers, Jeff." EDI was right, yet they were both working to full capacity as was. 

"I know I know.." He protested, fingers rapping along the lit keys. Time was running short for everyone. Without the crucible active, they had a countable number of hours left.

* * *

 **Shepard**

"Shepard" his voice was the first thing she heard as she hit the ground, the beam had teleported her somewhere.

"Anderson? you are.. up here too?"

"I followed you up, But I don't think we ended up in the same place." he seemed concerned.

"What does your surrounding look like?"

Shepard groaned, the pain catching up to her as she used her strength to stand and take in the architecture. Red, it was all red.

"You okay?" Anderson could hear her pain over the comm.

" I feel like death, but i'm moving. It's dark, there's … human remains scattered "

"Sounds familiar, I'm in a dark hallway, reminds me of your description of a collector base" Anderson replied on his comm, the only channel available to her at this moment. The voice of a mentor and the closest thing she had to a parent left called out to her. 

"Makes sense" she replied, continuing to walk at a slow pace.

"You think they're making a reaper in here?" Anderson didn't want to know the answer, and Shepard wasn't sure there were enough remains to even feasibly make part of one.

"Sure. They round them up on Earth, then send the people..up here to be processed." she needed to motivate him.

Anderson cursed about the abomination the Citadel had become..

A jolt of pain sparked up her adrenaline again, she had never been this wounded before in a way she could remember it. This plain slow and torturous compared to the suffocation she vaguely recalled from years ago. No amount of cybernetics could erase this plain. She clasped a hand to her side, placing pressure on the puncture to slow the bleeding.

The mission was still on.

"Wait for me, Anderson." She replied to herself., knowing it would be disregarded like her previous request had been. He had gone on ahead of her as it was, they had no idea what else was on this ship. Aside from the keepers and piles of bodies they were supposedly alone in the catalyst of fate. Whatever happened here was going to determine the success of life itself.

"Anderson?"

"I see a clearing I'll meet you there." She saw him not before too long, hunched over a console. His movements mechanical and broken. He wasn't himself. His voice breaking even as the Illusive man came forward, more than human now. An abomination in his own regard.

His speech fell on deaf ears, his preach for humanity lost as he had sacrificed his own for this attempt to control those which wanted to end them all. Shepard tried to fight his words, her arm raising without her own will, aimed at Anderson as they were locked in conversation.

"I've dedicated my life to understanding the reapers. We can control them. Look at the power they have given me. Look what they can make me do." A bang filled the open space between the three of them, a shot fired into Anderson's chest. The Illusive man had taken her power in some way, yet lost his own grasp. Indoctrinated, his soul lost to the one thing he wished to destroy.

"I.. I tried Shepard." The illusive man trembled with his words, What she had said was a blur, the pain setting in before the second bang of a gun rang out from the illusive man's gun. His body hitting the floor to echo out the gunshot.

A calm before the storm commenced as each of them found sanctuary against a cool ridge.

Shepard looked to Anderson, staggering to his side. Her breathing ragged and strained in the aftermath. Neither of them would have to move again anytime soon.

"Commander?"

"We did it.." she gasped.

"Yes.. we did." Anderson looked out to earth beyond the veil of glass. The spectacular blues and whites broken up every so often by streams of fire and light. "Its.. quite the view."

"Best seats.. in the house." she confirmed, adjusting her position to sit comfortably. if this was going to be the end, she wanted it to go peacefully. She had completed what she thought needed to happen. The weapon was primed and what else would be, would be.

Anderson spoke with a sigh on his tongue, relaxed for the first time in a while. "God it feels like years since I have just - sat down."

"I think you earned the rest, Anderson. Stay.. with me." she closed her eyes. "Stay with me, we're.. almost through this." she looked to him once more, seeing his head droop, his hat still remaining vigil on his head. There was no measure to how much she wanted him to follow her orders. Just once.

"You did good, kid.. You did.. good." he began to hunch slowly, the exhaustion getting to him. "I'm.. proud of you." his breathing faltered until it were too quiet to hear, until it was only a memory.

"Thank you, Sir…." she looked to him, the fate of her mentor sinking in. "Anderson?" They had saved all they had set out to save. Shepard's warm blood the only reminder she were going to die shortly after him. Part of her hoped she had more time with those on earth, more time with her friends and co-workers. But dying protecting life itself was something she figured the crew would forgive her for.

There was nary a time to rest before communications with Hackett lit up, nothing was happening, the crucible wasn't firing. Her strength was just enough to pull her to the console yet upon activating a series of buttons the light encroached around her consciousness.

* * *

 **Shepard**

"Wake up.."

The blurred white vision turned to sound then to a vision. A vision so familiar from her dreams. The afterlife.. sure was different to what she thought it was. Earth was still on fire around them. The realisation it was not over only sank in shortly as she replied to the boy. "What.. w-where.. am I?"

He looked like a human, yet he told her that he was the catalyst. Everything was far more complex than it had to be. All she had to do was ask how to end this, to destroy the reapers. They had been created to fix chaos, the reapers had been created to wipe out organic life and harvest them to return the balance between machine and organics again. Everything he was saying made no sense to her. An intelligence beyond her own understanding, he was the embodied intelligence of all reapers according to his information. His creators had become the reapers.

"All artificial intelligence, including the Geth will be destroyed." EDI would be gone, Legion's sacrifice would have been for nothing. Everything had its own price. No matter her choice there was the price of her own life.

The second option was more grim. All of his solutions were convoluted. Shepard in her weakened state could merge all life as she knew it together. Would they turn on each other still? She could try and follow the illusive man's wishes. Control what were seen and perceived as gods. Or she could end the existence of the reapers, end the cycle for however long it lasted. Thousands, or longer than that, of years.

Her gun arm fell limp at her side as she weighed the weight of her decisions.

The third option was alien to her, in a way it made its own sense. To merge all existing forms of consciousness. Machine and Organic. Synthetics would no longer be necessary as they would be the same as organics in the state of the world, all of them with their own developed personality. But the price was her life. A fear gripped her heart tightly in its claws as he continued to explain what would happen. Could humanity adjust to this change? there were already signs of co-operation between the Geth and the Quarians, even without the change all it had taken was understanding and patience.

Boot by boot she heaved her weight across the metal floor, raising her gun as she focused on her decision. Sacrifice always meant something. If there was.. the slightest chance this could happen again if life forms meged, she would not have it. Not that there were any way she would she trust the illusive man after all he had done to humanity. New synthetic life could be reasoned with. This lesson would not fall deaf on the ears of those who suffered. Nor did Shepard want to remain conscious as her friends perished without her. Organics should remain, as organics.

BAM. One shot. She steadied her arm. BAM. Two. The lived which had touched her passed through her memories as she staggered forward, a strength in her final moments. People would be born, people would live because of her own sacrifice. BAM.

All turned to light, all turned red.

* * *

 **Joker**

The sirens continued to sing as the crucible activated before the Normandy and the alliance fleets. The battle was won, it seemed almost a dream that it would be over. Years in the making, a battle which was far longer for some on the Normandy crew than others.

"The crucible is active, alert, the crucible is active." Hackett reported over every alliance communication network he could. Joker nodded, EDI alongside him working to stabilise the ship as the force from the initial beam alone nearly shattered their barriers.

He had to save the commander. This was one mission he wouldn't fail, there was no way he was leaving her to die on some space station that wasn't in any shape or form the Normandy.

Joker looked back to Ashley, not once had he let down the commander. He was the best pilot in the Alliance and if this were to be on the record, it would be his only failure. But it would be the greatest failure of all time.

"Disengage and get the hell out of here!" hackett's voice was clear over the com.

"Joker… It's time to go." Ashley tugged at his shoulder and there were no truer words spoken.

His fingers fell weakly against the keys as commands were rerouted to save the lives of the crew. "Damnit" he drew the ship back, the mass effect engine beginning to whirl and hum as massive amounts of energy were redirected. The orange beams aimed for earth first, he could see them from his scanner as dangerous. The commander had done it, she had activated the weapon yet nothing seemed to remain of the citadel now, it looked as if just firing the shot had decimated everything that once was. It might take years to rebuild.

Around them the reapers began to fall, blink offline or worse, explode upon a few shots of the alliances vessels. Dodging the fallout from this was more than any crewman would of been tasked with. His teeth grinded together as he and EDI navigated the storm. "Shit shit shit." he activated another series of switches.

"Joker.. Earth its.." Ashley began to speak, watching the monitors. "They're reporting that the reapers have stopped. All of them, have gone inactive. Showing no signs of life at all."

"I'm a little busy here!"

"Sorry just - Its saved! Shepard did it!"

"If you're done yappin, great. I'm trying to save our hides!" No man had done this amount of work with such limited resources. "The relay is going to blow."

EDI nodded. "We will want to evacuate Sol space to avoid the effect. I can calculate it will have catastrophic effects on my programming."

"Well, Duh! That and we'll be blown to bits." Joker forced the engines beyond capacity. They could repair later when they landed somewhere safe, it was a risk they had to take. EDI was at stake, their lives were all at stake.

Click click. Before long they were riding beyond the impact point of the explosion, EDI's gaze drifting from the computer towards Joker. "Jeff-"

He tried to focus on the escape, but their FTL engines were down.

"Jeff, The crew will be fine." EDI continued, the lighting in her physical body dying. "You can ride out the impact, warp towards the closest system and rely on organic's hope. Survival otherwise is not probable."

Joker nodded along. Even now EDI had his best wishes a heart. "You'll be -"

"Gone, Joker." She wasn't moving her fingers now. "My systems are failing. Processes are limited."

"EDI? are you… dying?" Ashley spoke quietly, yet did not need the answer.

She quoted legion in her final moments. The speakers of the normandy online to Shepard's crew. "Organics possess an aspect, a concept called a soul which departs on death. I must.. ask.."

There was a silence which penetrated the loneliness the ship would feel before EDI spoke again.

"Do I, have a soul?"

Not one person replied an answer, the warm hum of the engine pittering through the ventilation shafts as orange light engulfed the ship. Pushing them forward beyond the eye of the storm. Warp initiating a little too late for them to be saved. Systems were failing, the ship headed towards whatever location EDI had set for them. Impact imminent in seconds. Every crew member was told to secure themselves, the frantic rush for safety beginning until the atmosphere broke on the normandy's wings and guided her violently down through the forest of clouds and shrubs.

Light returned to the ship after a few hours of jiggering with the manual controls. The ship's systems online and all readings gave positive signs that the air outside was safe for humans and other life forms on the ship. For once joker focused himself completely on the rest of the crew, drawing himself from his chair to hobble down the walk of the ship's neck to shout. One by one Shepard's team came forward, exhausted and some injured.

Liara looked to the others first. Speaking quietly. "Glyph went offline. But I should be able to salvage his data from my files." She furrowed her brow. "My Intel has no knowledge of this place, everything is inaccessible for the moment but we should prepare a recon team to scout-"

Garrus interrupted. "If anyone is going to scout it should be me. My tech is still working. My scope will come in handy if we aren't alone." He leaned on his gun with a small grunt, still hurting.

At least the family was arguing like normal again. Some normalcy was necessary now.

"No, you should get patched up. Before you end up with an infection." Ashley crossed her arms. "I can scout ahead, it would be easier that way. Doctor chakwas can tend to you and the others can-"

"You aren't the leader here, princess." James spoke up. "How bout I scout and find us some grub? You lot are loco if you think we won't find something bigg'n scary out there."

Joker gritted his teeth together, pushing past the group that were assembled. Without a leader they were like cats. All independent with no direction. Selflessness wasn't in all of their agendas. He needed air. For once the Normandy didn't feel like home. It was just another war zone.

"I'll be in the cockpit." he staggered back into the ship, the others would find him soon.


	2. Chapter 2:Waking

Colours never were something that an officer focused on. Nor was art. Smudged lines that joined together on a canvas really never sung out to her during her days in N7. Each new picture she had seen she could recognise as expensive or not but now, it seemed she was at an impasse.

The sunset's colours had melded around the dark frame of the universe around her. No objects, no up, down or solid state that she could recognise.

"Alright." She spoke to herself, to concentrate the insanity that was happening in words would be another mission. "So, the afterlife is a little different than what you thought." It didn't feel like she was anywhere with how the world changed colours around her. She was thankful for the lack of pain, it had numbed out even before Anderson had stopped speaking before. The trickle of blood on her fingers had been more of a dull reminder that she had been injured. Yet even that thought seemed foreign here. No cold or warm. No extremes of anything but swirling colours she expected to find decorated on the artworks of Anderson's apartment.

* * *

For a while, she would just float.

Watching the colours fly with a freedom she felt just past her fingertips.

* * *

Shepard continued to float through the darkness. The colours never close enough to brush her skin or change her outfit. Soon it occurred to her that she had nowhere to stand. A flurry of colour dashed across her horizon. The thought simultaneous with a floor that metabolised out of the darkness. The swirling infinities of colours merging together in harmony to create a form that she recognised as grass. Her thoughts shaped heaven? Sounded sane enough for whatever world this was. Yet, it all seemed too peaceful for her to enjoy longer than a small stroll. Again like before her small complaint had begun shifting the grass into a rocky outcrop she had seen before on the shores of Rannoch. Everything she was creating was familiar, somewhere she had seen or been.

"It still doesn't feel real." Shepard mumbled. Eyes darting across the clouds. It was picture perfect for her memory. As if she had the memory of a Drell in the afterlife. Tali had stood right beside where she was now. The conversation of claiming the land sounding out around in her realm on a record repeat. Tali's voice distorted by the combination of sloshing waves and the whirl of the reapers cry. Controlling sound and sight were two levels of this realm.

Fingers gripped around her ears frantically as the sounds became white noise that violently assaulted her head. The sensory overload enough for the commander to lose what little gravity she had created in her heaven.

* * *

Shepard floated for another hour. Attempting to recreate somewhere hospitable would take more practice.

Time would not be an issue. Time would never be an issue in this world. It passed to her moods. None would pass at all if she felt she willed it.

There was always a feeling of calm that swept across everything in what she had now defined as 'nirvana'. There was no longing, no hurt, nothing the old Christian churches would claim as sins. Yet on the flipside of these things there was no light that came to compare to the shadows. Nothing here made a feeling as bright as it had felt when she were breathing.

Everything just was.

Nirvana was a paradise of mid-tones – a constant state of indifference to warm and cold.

* * *

Boot heels clipped against the ground as Rannoch reformed itself. Dust blowing into the air as again the stage lit up from the empty darkness to sweep across the horizon all around her. Infinity was a long time, it seemed even longer alone. Memories of what had happened before floating were harder to imagine, but the memories of days, weeks and years ago were alive in front of her gaze.

Her fingertips penetrated through Tali's shadowed image. She was talking to no one in this repeat. Then again, and again as the memory replayed over again. Shepard tried everything to talk to her, to coax out another response from the hallucination.

"Tali! Please listen to me." Shepard swiped a nonviolent hand through her faceplate.

"Beachfront property." Tali's electronic voice responded. The memory playing without fault.

"I have already heard this, Tali. I know." Shepard looked back to how the sunlight hit Tali's mask after retreating her punches.

A long pause surrounded them as Tali sat down. Her face level equal to someone who would be sitting beside her.

"I'm not staying, I'm coming with you." She repeated. "I think you've earned a few favours with the fleet."

Shepard stood in silence for a while longer, a breath parting her lips.

* * *

Returning to floating wasn't unnatural. With how Nirvana worked with her memories there was little point revisiting each single one unless she grew tired of floating.

She would have preferred to be taking on the collector base again. All of this seemed purposeless.

"I'm Commander Shepard. Alliance Navy" she spoke out loud into the patterned darkness. It seemed to take shape like The Starry Night oil painting. At times her body flowed in with the swirling strokes. Following a curve inwards then out as she was propelled back to drifting. "The first human Spectre."

Shepard closed her eyes. "Saviour of the council and defeater of the reapers…"

"The things that Saren were controlled by, Commander?"

His voice struck the strings of Shepard's heart. Her eye shot open. A ground built under her feet but remained a wall to the angle in where the familiar man stood, looking at her. "Kaiden."

"In the flesh." He replied, standing stiff.

"In ... here? - How?"

"Ask yourself that." He paced along his path until he changed direction to stand on the wall beside her. Perspective shifting to re-adjust the change of dimension.

"Kaiden… What do you know about this place?" her heart didn't race as it would if this was a real situation.

"No clue, Commander. But I'm glad you're here." He looked out. "What does it look like to you?"

"Dark, but with colours. Then there is a rocky ground beneath us. Why?"

"Virmire."

Guilt crashed over her shoulders with one word. "Kaiden…"

"You made the right decision, Commander. But… we both know, you shouldn't be here. You got off Virmire."

A coy hum echoed in her tone. "Good luck getting out of Nirvana though. This place." The landscape had already began to shift when he had spoken of Virmire. The salarian bases coming to life in front of the sea. "Why... are you here the, Alenko, are you real?"

Kaiden didn't respond in an instant. He paced until he were standing beside her on the metal ramp. "I'm here because you need me here. For now, anyway."

Their past had been confusing. A part of Shepard knew that he had feelings for her from the very beginning. Alenko was an earnest honest man. A confident solider and powerful biotic compared to most she had met. It felt more like home with him just here. Alenko had stayed with the bomb back of Virmire, it had been his request to save Ash.

"You have to leave, commander." That was easier said than done. "It'll be our new N7 mission."

Shepard chuckled. "Next to stopping Saren, uniting the Geth and Quarians and curing the genophage, it doesn't seem too impossible. Does it?"

* * *

Shaping Nirvana became easier with the help of Kaiden. Their walk had been helpful in learning the limitations of this realm. Still he would not confess the validity of him or his own presence. Yet anyone else she thought of who had died on their travels never conjured before them past small insignificant memories. Kaiden had nearly told her to stop the Salarian scientist song after three playthroughs.

Each of them had walked through the science lab and settlement three times together before conversation struck out again. "So, how do I get out of here?"

"No idea, Commander. I suppose we wing it."

"That's all you have for me, Lieutenant?" she crossed her arms, stopping in the path. Her expression given in the weight shifted from foot to foot. "No idea on anything of this at all? You're a crappy spiritual companion." Sheppard scowled in mockery of his help. Brows furrowed.

"Well, what did you do last time you were here, Shepard?" he replied, leaning against a desk himself. Some of his actions were reflections of what she had done in this situation, some consistently unnatural parts of his personality that she was filling in the blanks for.

"I haven't been here before." Every syllable danced with perplexity. "Can you just, skip to the chase?"

"That is the chase, Shepard." He fluttered a temporary smile.

* * *

Bleep, Bleep…

Shepard was stunned by the intruding sound as her and Kaidens conversation replayed before her eyes. Recorded by the sentimental nature of Nirvana.

"That is the chase." She repeated what he had said, trying to translate the complexity of the statement. So the issue was that she had not been here before? Or that she couldn't remember? Wise of him to keep it vague. It seemed even the afterlife was cryptic.

Bleep

Where was that sound coming from?

Her heels unmounted the ground. Gravity of her body reduced as she lifted herself to look over the realm of her own creation. She scouted the horizons of her own creation. Floating through them seamlessly. The world had been scattered with far more locations during her talks with kaiden. Afterlife, Illium, Noveria, Palaven. Each was still as she remembered them. Some war torn and some untouched by the horrors of the reapers. The same club music followed her no matter where she want. No wonder Afterlife kept its profits, that music is a plague. Shepard could rarely hear Aria over its blaring but now it seemed unavoidable even in the middle of Turchanka.

Bleep. Bleep Bleep.

The sound was constant and stable. Its home in none of her created worlds but from above in the seam between her creations sky and the unpainted darkness. Whatever it was, troubled her to the core.

"Afraid, Commander?" Kaiden spoke up, always knowing when it was best to speak and when to keep quiet in this realm. A trait he shared with his once living self. Even her mother didn't share that same trait Kaiden possessed, many didn't. Still it made her chuckle that this was the thing she was afraid of. An unknown beeping sound in the distance. Not the reapers, not the end of humanity. But a consistent beeping. "What if it's a bomb?" It wasn't a bomb. Even as she asked she knew it was not a bomb.

"If it is? Well… I'm sure you can diffuse it."

"Hopefully just with Omni-gel. So much easier to do than having to bypass every security measure in the galaxy." She missed the old days. "…I don't know if the afterlife has omnitools." Shepard continued to float upwards. Yet Kaiden remained standing as if there were a ground beneath him. Always at level with Shepard.

He grabbed at her wrist, keeping her from moving. The touch chilling her to the core. The first feeling beyond reaction to colors she had felt in this dull universe. "Commander, I-" Alenko began with some hesitance, avoiding her gaze moments after meeting it.

"What is it, solider?" The intensity of his words was enough to cease the worry of the bleeping. Some part of her was convinced what he was about to say could shape the fate of humanity.

"Don't... go towards the sound. It would be unbearable for you. If you… put your feet back down, you can take some shore leave, Shepard." Shore leave was an interesting way to put it, her gaze locking up towards the bleeping sounds above them. Still constant. Every few seconds it would beep in a soothing fashion. "But if you… go up, the pain will rip through you and this world, will be shattered. You'll be alone."

When he had stopped talking she processed what he had requested of her. Kaiden wasn't himself. Not in this world. Every now and then his expression would be more based on memory than anything genuine. He stated nothing further than she already knew. His grip was real though, it punched itself against her wrist. Like sovereign, he was a warning. A warning of perhaps her own destruction and not the worlds. "But..." Kaiden spoke as a question formed on her own lips, answering the question she longed to ask. "There is... a small chance, of happiness. If you follow the sound. Maybe- I can't.. be certain. I cannot follow."

"I'll take you with me, Kaiden." I won't leave him behind again, this place will not be another Virmire. There is a chance to save everyone. She tugged him upward but he wouldn't nudge an inch. "I won't leave you behind, Solider."

His grip loosened on her wrist. The words he spoke hollowed out her heart.

* * *

"The dead can't join the living, Commander. No matter how hard you wish it."

* * *

The beeping had becoming a siren now. The only sound that obscured the rest of her senses as muffled voices grunted and howled at each other in untranslated speech. Everything they were saying was foreign, even if one of the many voices was an earth language – Spanish, she thought? It was hard to pin beyond the beeping.

Actual wind brushed against her cheeks and shoulder Relief spread over her body as a cool slice of metal ran across her charred body lifting the broken carapace from her frame.

Her eyes wouldn't open, it was more painful to open them than the realisation she had been nearly cooked alive. She cried out helplessly, an inconsequential attempt at calling for help. No sound that left her was relatable to any known language but pain.

"cálmate, cálmate" a voice called out, wind still brushing through her voice. They were moving. The air around them became less cool as a shutter door closed somewhere nearby. An incline upwards as the familiar drawl of wounded overcame the sound of those helping. Kaiden had been right, this whole time. Going up had been nothing but torture.

* * *

When she could open her eyes, it wasn't much to look out. A white, clean room, a makeshift sheet wall to her left and right. A salarian standing in a dirtied coat in the space before her bed with a broken holochart. It flickered every few moments. He didn't catch her gaze initially, the place may have been too busy for him to dedicate any time to her.

"Ah, patient. Awake." He walked to her side, omnitool active as it scanned over her body. "Condition seems stable. Only signs of head trauma, burns appear to be healing nicely." He nodded, tapping away notes on his chart. Shepard tried to speak but her vocal chords were inflamed. "No need to speak, patient. You will be in intensive care for a while. Yes. Then we transport to Sur'kesh facility. Best place for level of care necessary." He lowered his datapad.

Shepard could understand him for now. Unable to nod or speak she just moved her gaze up and down the man's coat.

"Your tags were not located where we found you. Will have to ask personal details once you are able to speak, most of extranet systems lost with blast." He smiled the signature lopsided grin the Salarians shared. "All military personnel are to be moved to Sur'Kesh, if that is what eyes question. Perhaps find squad there? But now, you rest. Will increase oxycodone hydrochloride to give some comfort."

Shepard wondered if this man was related to Mordin, he spoke so similarly. Pausing in all the wrong spaces and often forgetting to breathe. How could he tell she was military? simply from the busted armour she wore before? why weren't her tags on her this time?

A painful breath stirred her lungs as she breathed through the apparatus attached to her face. In and out. In and out. Black and white, up and down. She counted opposites in her head, scowling at her inability to do much more than twitch her fingers under the heavy sedative. The doctor began to speak to her. "Fortunate to be found. Large part of citadel destroyed, very few survivors. Mostly keepers. Introductions necessary I feel. Trust important in patient, doctor relationship. I am Tizzojh, Tizz fine for patient to call. Based on human orphan naming, I shall call you Miss Smith. Salutations."

'At least I won't be lonely... ' Shepard twitched her fingers in response. Continuing to watch her breath fog up the medichamber around her nostrils.

"Must excuse me, have to check up on other patients. Busy schedule. Have to keep to it." he finally took time to draw in another breath. "Will be back on night shift to check vitals. Going to Sur'Kesh with your ship. Best to be familiar." he nodded frantically as if bees were stick in an induction port. "Yes, yes. See you soon, Smith."

The room became an untranslatable mess once he was out of range. The cries for help, nurses and more medicine becoming another orchestra of roars, grunts and unpronounceable sets of phonemes.

Sur'kesh. At least it wasn't too far fetched.

* * *

Morning light flit through the make-shifty repaired windows. It had been several days since the announcement she was being relocated to sur'kesh. Her fingers and body wrapped in omni-bandages. The pain was mostly from her own action. Being a soldier was hell when there was so much to do outside of recover. Staying idle, lying idle was a hell in its own definition.

Over the nights she had learned a little more about her new friend, Tizz. He liked Elcor theater, aspired to be a specter at a young age and was not considered a strong enough candidate to fertilize a set of eggs. Either way he seemed content with his medical research.

"Many human productions make good elcor adaptations." he nodded along as he adjusted the levels of medi-gel applied through her bandages. "Hamlet, Othello. Easy to adapt to any planet situation. Turchankan Mac Beth would be good. Should suggest to play master next, yes?"

Shepard smiled in response, never had she wanted to reply more than she could right now. Her throat still bruised. Talking as 'unadvised' according to her talkative friend.

"Though, people may think theater about destruction and war is inappropriate considering the end of the reapers." he mumbled. "Must thank alliance for working together. You are a mysterious human, Smith. Much unknown. Extranet still down. Unfortunate for learning identity. More unfortunate that you are still unable to verbally communicate. Will fix soon, I hope. No. I know. - Ah, One moment." he was easily distracted. One of the few flaws that he had that Mordin did not. It for every moment he was here felt like he had not left. They looked completely different. Tizz kept a blue tinge to his skin, often wore yellow and deep greys.

"Message on local system. Nothing important. back to talks. Smith, you never push assistance button."

Shepard hated asking for help, it was her job to help others. Even when the galaxy did not need her. With all of this over, what was her purpose now?

She maintained her smile.

"I know the approximate time it shall take to get to Sur'Kesh now that relays are damaged. It will be some time, but the ship is fully equipped to deal with important operatives. Have put you on top priority. Only human we found on Citadel still alive. Must have had terrible time." he nodded solemly. "Plenty of time for us to watch Elcor theatre recordings. Have few saved on omnitool." He watched her adjust her seating, hands outstretched to the sheets to smooth them against her legs.

"Never had a Human friend. Nice to have a first." he spoke as he moved, unhooking the bed from its restraints. Several other attendants, including an out of place quarian stepped through the sliding doors to move the other patients from their chambers. It was the first time she had a chance to see them all. Many were injured Turians. Among them were also two notable salarians and a hanar who looked like he had needed to amputate a few too many tentacles. The poor jellyfish. "Off we go. Quickly." Tizz pushed the bed personally, many of the powering methods that kept things running had been reverted to old earth-millennial style powering. Kinetic electricity.

No matter the distance, Shepard would find solace one way or another, today was just the beginning of a very unique adventure.


End file.
